Ugly Sex Syndrome...the quest for the answer!

Alcohol Units: Two bottles passion pop, Wazza's bar tab, Nicole's bar tab, multiple un-sourced vodka raspberries.
Cigarettes: 25 x 3 packets
Mee Gee Noodle Consumption: 3 x 5 pack
240V Visits: 2
Quote of the Day: "If you can't laugh at yourself, then your a cunt"

I am a person who loves Daft Punk, cigarettes, lattes, high heels, vodka cranberries, spare time, socialite activities and talking about useless information that i believe is a necessity in this new aged generation where life is taken to seriously and money is the general focus or force of motivation for most people. This blog will talk about money as little as possible and will instead focus on important interesting topics and observations that come into context with my friends and myself bizarre, yet glamorous, slightly over exaggerated social, sexual, and relationship shenanigans...beware there will be a lot of laughing involved.


My observation for this week was brought up from one of my best friends Nicole*. Recently Nicole has broken up from her boyfriend of three years (much to my delight as he was a selfish, moody bitch) and is thoroughly enjoying the qualities of singletons. As par usual she was attracting good looking men from left, right and center but seemed to be taking little attention to their advances on her. I questioned her on this bizarre behaviour. At first she was reluctant to talk about it but with persistence she opened up. She had found herself surprisingly attracted to a fugly from her work and was too embarrassed to talk about it with anyone.

She quoted "Yes i do not think he is very good looking, but we have so much sexual tension its driving me crazy! His walk is the hottest thing i had ever seen. I know i can do better but i just want to have sex with him!"

To conclude this story she was dogging gorgeous tanned, six pack accessorised men for a slightly overweight, white, moon headed individual that had a hot walk for sex appeal. Yes at first i was quite taken back by this turn of events and couldn't think of anything worse than a fat, white guy thrusting on top of me, but I then began thinking back at my own personal sexual experiences.

Yes i was defiantly a victim of what i am going to call "Hot Ugly Sex Syndrome"!! I was introduced by a friend to this guy that had the most appalling fashion sense i had ever seen. Think XXXL shirts, long silver chain (I will explain my hatred of boys wearing chains in another blog asap), baggy pants, backwards cap, hoop diamond earrings and he was oblivious to the fact that he was of Eastern European decent not African American gangsta. He also talked as much as a lonely old women in a retirement village with out any family. He was not bad looking but not to be a vain bitch i was blessed in the looks department and was way out of his league. Yet for some bizarre reason i was extremely attracted to him! Not in a way that i wanted to go out with him, as i found him extremely annoying and whiny it was purely sexually attraction. I was shocked and appalled at my attraction which is low and shallow of me i know but i did not want to talk about it with anyone at first as i was admittedly embarrassed by my attraction. As you may have guessed we ended up fucking so to speak (i prefer to use the term fucking in these situations as making love and sleeping together sounds like some airy fairy love story when in truth love has nothing to do with it). It was some of the best sex that i had ever had! It was amazing so to speak and i had no problem that i wasn't attracted to him physically or even emotionally the sex was just great and i had no idea why???

I was thoroughly intrigued by this new found topic and decided to do some background research into this area. Using my advanced research skills i googled 'Ugly Sex' and came across an interesting website "Are unattractive people better in bed?" i discovered an unusual quote that i felt was very appropriate for my theory "We’re conditioned to believe that beautiful people have the confidence and the natural instinct to razzle dazzle between the sheets. Anything less than extraordinary and we regular (ugly) folk will feel like we’ve been short changed." This brought me to another topic, previously i had been sleeping with possibly the hottest guy i had ever seen in real life tanned, tall, perfect figure, stunning green eyes etc basically that good looking it was vomit material. Straight guys would walk passed him and I in the street together and would prefer to stare at him over me....obviously not so straight (another topic of a blog that will be heading your way soon). I presume that the sex would be as amazing as his looked! I was shocked beyond belief when i was placed in an awkward position and he was going at it like some one humming out of time to your favourite song. I was that disappointed and annoyed that i felt like crying! Going back to the quote maybe i wasn't expecting anything that amazing from my ugly crush that my brain just tricked me into thinking i had the time off my life and maybe i expected a miracle when fucking a super human such as twenty orgasms in a row...so i was bound for disappointment. The article also went on to state that less good looking people have to be better in the bed room as good-looking people do not have to be good in the sack as they pick-up anyways.

This still did not explain the reason for Nicole and I sexual attraction in the first place. This was not a gross one nightstand that was a amazing and then you woke to realise the dropped standards of your partner. This was in the daylight, sober, sexual attraction...that didn't make any sense. I delved deeper into google and found a blog conversation named 'Ugly V Hot...In Bed' it went on to explain that people preferred to have sex with uglier people in secret because it feels wrong and they are confused by there attraction in the first place, but the sex is that amazing because it is so wrong. This statement did shed some light as sex that is wrong and what other people wouldn't expect of you is always hot, i guess Nicole and I problem was that we where more scared of what others would think instead of just not giving a shit. What is what makes a person hot in the first place... confidence. Maybe Nicole and i where the ugly ones in the sexual shenanigans. We weren't even confident enough to admit we found people attractive because of what other people might think...lame.

'Ugly Sex Syndrome' is still a theory in development. Its sad that people should feel ashamed or embarrassed for sleeping with sorry fucking someone they feel that they would be socially ashamed of ...maybe sometimes you can just not help being attracted to someone that you think does not cut the standards of your own looks, or maybe you just may not be as shallow as you think you are and are only ashamed because of what others may say about it. To conclude this observation yes i had ugly sex and thoroughly enjoyed it if anyone else has an opinion or a ugly sex story of there own that they would like to share i would really appreciate a reply!

Thanks xo

*Nicole - name has been changed.